Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize