Cold hands, warm shart.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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