Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
