There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
