Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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