Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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