This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
