dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
