thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
