Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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