I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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