My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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