lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
