I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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