I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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