Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
