a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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