I'm so fucking centered right now
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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