Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
