break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
