I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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