...so i touched it.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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