When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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