All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
