hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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