i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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