I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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