Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
