u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
