Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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