last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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