When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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