He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
