I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
