the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
