no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
