note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
