So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
