If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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