my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
