i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
