it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
