dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
