i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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