Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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