We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
