Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
