We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
They have beer where we have blood.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
