areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
