At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
