Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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