She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
