Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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