I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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