it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
