I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
