well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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