there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
