She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
