Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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