My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
