The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
