We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
