I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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