I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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