if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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