Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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