i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
