I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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