just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
