well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
