I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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