so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
