Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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