does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
