OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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