Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
