How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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