mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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