i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
did i just pee glitter
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
