So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize