I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Welp...herpes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
