I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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