i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
