After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
