i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
