It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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