Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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