What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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