When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
