I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
