I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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