just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
