I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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