Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dignity is for republicans.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
