You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
