why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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