Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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