I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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