The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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