Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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