His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
