"it" just moved
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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