I just saw a hot homeless man
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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