yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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